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Top 15 Most Preposterous Superhero Movies

08/16/2011 Leave a comment

I have a soft spot for Superhero films, especially Marvel Superhero films. With the exception of Batman and Superman, DC comics is basically a turd sandwich full of mediocre superheroes. Marvel comics has always been the superior franchise although some of the movies would prove otherwise. With every Spider-Man 2 and X-Men, there are the ludicrous Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Punisher, Thor, Howard the Duck etc..

Here is a list of the Top 15 Most Preposterous Superhero Movies of all time.

15. Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Spider-Man 3 was an abomination of epic proportions substituting the heart of the first two films with self-indulgent emo nonsense. Peter Parker is actually EMO in this movie! The only thing they were missing was having him wear skinny jeans and cut himself in the closet while trying to overdose on Tylenol PM. Terrible movie and not even Thomas Haden Church could have saved this film.

14. Ghost Rider (2007)

Ghost Rider is actually a blessing in disguise. For all the moronic one liners and pointing out into the darkness from Nick Cage, he actually just destroyed a second tier comic book hero instead of starring as Superman and destroying an American icon like originally planned. This turkey was so bad the best villain they could find was an over the hill Peter Fonda and the heroin monkey from American Beauty. Nice try Cage. Just stay away from Superman. A sequel is on the way February 2012.

13. Green Lantern (2011)

Green Lantern has so far made many lists as one of the worst films of 2011 and the year isn’t even over yet. Ryan Reynolds took a third-rate DC superhero and turned it into a 4th rate movie franchise. Not even with Bond director Martin Campbell at the helm did this movie have a shot at glory.

12. Fantastic Four (1994)

I have to admit that none of the Fantastic Four films released starring Jessica Alba and Chris Evans are any good aside from being mildly amusing. However this unreleased 1994 Fantastic Four adaptation that was filmed with $25 bucks and a broken Camcorder produced by Roger Corman was the bottom of the barrel. This film was so bad that it actually never made it to theaters nor DVD. It is only available through bootlegs and you can watch it in its entirety here in all its awful goodness. To be quite honest if you have a few drinks before watching it, this will be one of the most hilarious films you will ever watch.

Watch the Entire 1994 Unreleased Fantastic Four bootleg version here.

11. The League of Extraordinary Gentleman (2003)

This movie was so atrocious that it forced the once great actor Sean Connery to completely renounce Hollywood, retire from acting and has been on a self-imposed exile in the Bahamas since the release of this deplorable film. Connery was so embarrassed by this movie that he has yet to make another film and will more than likely never be seen again. What a shame, aside from his views on occasionally beating your wife, Connery was a damn fine actor.

10. Thor (2011)

Who in the hell is this guy they picked to play Thor? A wax statue has more emotional range than this Abercrombie and Fitch reject. What was Natalie Portman thinking agreeing to this? Thor joins the Green Lantern as one of the worst films of 2011 and one of the worst Marvel films to come out in over a decade. This movie proves my point that Hollywood studio control over talented directors is a severe impediment to creative filmmaking. If the suits at the studio had just left Kenneth Branagh alone and let him do his Hamlet thing, this could have been up there with The Dark Knight.

9. Elektra (2005)

I don’t think Jennifer Garner ever got the memo that she was a terrible actress and it would be in her best interest to retire from the big screen and concentrate on raising Ben Affleck’s offspring as opposed to boring us to death with her incessant rambling. Elektra is the pinnacle of her career and it failed miserably. This movie was so bad they even screwed up her hair and gave her ridiculous bangs drooping over her eyes trying to hide her shame from starring in this crap fest.

8. Captain America (1990)

Now long before Chris Evans redeemed himself from the Fantastic Four films and made the far superior 2011 Captain America reboot, there was this atrocious 1990 low-budget version starring Matt Salinger. You know what CaptaiN America’s super powers are in this film? He can feign illness and car jack you at a moments notice. The main villain The Red Skull looks like a burn victim suffering from Italian dementia.

7. The Punisher (1989,2004,2008)

The Punisher character is almost as cursed as the film adaptations created about him. There has so far been 3 Punisher films and not one of them is even halfway decent. The 1989 version starred the listless Ivan Drago as the Punisher and they forgot to include his iconic skull shirt. The 2004 version starred the gay drug addict from Boogie Nights and the worst actor of our generation as the villain the ham-fisted John Travolta chewing up scenery like it was Bubblicious. The 2008 sequel was even worse than the aforementioned films. The Punisher just can’t catch a break. I can only assume that in the next Punisher film, they will cast Fez from That 70’s Show as the Punisher and keep the legacy alive.

6. Judge Dredd (1995)

“I AM the LAW!!!(severe slur)” Judge Dredd was such a terrible movie premise that the only action star willing to star was Sly the ex porn star and Rob Schneider as his unwilling sidekick. There are not enough words to describe how bad this film is.

5. Batman & Robin (1997)

Batman & Robin is like the Glee: 3D Concert Movie of the Batman franchise. Everything about this movie is terribly wrong but still absolutely fabulous. How George Clooney and Uma Thurman managed to survive this catastrophe unscathed is a miracle of modern science. However for Chris O’Donnell, Alicia Silverstone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elle Macpherson and Joel Schumacher, this movie completely destroyed their movie careers. This movie is so bad, in the opening minutes, we find out Batman now has nipples on his Batsuit and retractable Ice Skates from his boots just in case he ever gets forced to fight on a hockey rink. Which he actually does in the first 10 minutes.

4. Catwoman (2004)

Poor Halle Berry fell victim to the Oscar curse. The superstition states that most great actresses, after kicking ass in a movie and winning an Oscar for Best Actress, they will invariably follow that up with a terrible action or comedy movie completely wiping out all credibility of the Oscar they had previously won. It happened to Charlize Theron with Aeon Flux, Natalie Portman with Thor, Nicole Kidman with Bewitched, Hilary Swank with The Reaping and of course Halle Berry with Catwoman. This film was doomed from day one the day they signed some pretentious French director named Pitof who only goes by one name as if he was Cher to helm this crap.

3. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

Christopher Reeve will always be Superman. Brandon Routh nor the upcoming Man of Steel with Henry Cavill will ever surpass the original Superman Christopher Reeve. Unfortunately for Reeve who was coerced by the failing studio to star in this ludicrous fourth installment on the pretense they would finance his pet project 1987’s Street Smart. Unfortunately for the late Chris Reeve, both movies were flops and sent Cannon Films into bankruptcy a few years after this disaster.

2. Howard the Duck (1986)

One of the great mysteries of life is how this cinematic abortion was created by a graduate of the prestigious USC Film school who worked on such classics as Star Wars and wrote the screenplay to Indiana Jones and American Graffiti. Howard the Duck is a classic example of a pompous director not respecting the source material and trying to dumb it down for the audience and having it blow up in his face. The director Willard Huyck has yet to recover from this fiasco and has not directed another movie since this 1986 bomb.

1. Daredevil (2003)

Daredevil is the greatest disappointment on this list simply because Daredevil is such a complex character and would have been an outstanding superhero film with the guidance of a talented director and star. But unfortunately we got Mark Steven Johnson and Ben Affleck. Two talentless hacks who shouldn’t even be allowed to buy a digital camera let alone be given several with millions of dollars to flush down the toilet creating this sorry excuse for a superhero film. Hopefully Affleck learns his lesson and never returns as Daredevil.

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First Look at Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises.

08/10/2011 Leave a comment

First look at Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in next years The Dark Knight Rises. 

The Dark Knight Rises will be in theaters July 20, 2012.

Anne Hathaway looks like one sexy biker bitch! Eat your heart out Halle Berry and Michelle Pfeiffer.

What do you think? Leave a comment and click LIKE to stay connected with Facebook.

Top 5 Successful Batman Film Performances. Also an Exclusive New Trailer for The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

08/06/2011 2 comments

Top 5 Most Successful Batman Film Performances.

Plus an Exclusive New Trailer for The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Batman has been an American icon since his first Comic book appearance in 1939 and adapted into all forms of media including films, TV, video games, etc. The feature films are the most well-known and have been played with varying levels of competency by numerous actors. With the upcoming release of his latest adventure The Dark Knight Rises (2012) the Movie Monkey has compiled a list detailing Batman’s Top 5 Most Successful film performances from worst to best.

#5 Batman & Robin (1997) George Clooney

The Batman film that brought back Batman’s alleged homoerotic undertones with a raging force. Directed by Joel Schumacher and starring George Clooney as Batman, this film introduced such inane details such as retractable ice skates, Batsuits with nipples, ice related puns and an awkward relationship between Batman and Robin. This film is in essence a commercial for kids toys on ecstasy that should have never been made. George Clooney was terrible as the caped crusader and this film killed the franchise for 8 years until the much darker and more realistic reboot Batman Begins in 2005.

Yes those are nipples on the Batsuit

#4 Batman: The Movie (1966) Adam West

The Campy classic version of Batman is sadly far superior to the Clooney and Schumacher disaster 30 years later. Based on the similarly campy TV show starring Adam West as Batman and Burt Ward as Robin the Boy Wonder. In this version of Batman, the dynamic duo waged battles with explosive rubber Sharks, killer Pirates, Catwoman, The Penguin, Riddler and their greatest villain The Joker all in a single movie. Adam West gives a classic campy portrayal of The Dark Knight carried over from the hit TV series.  

#3 Batman Forever (1995) Val Kilmer

This film was the beginning of the downfall of the 90’s Batman. Val Kilmer took over as Batman while Schumacher replaced Tim Burton to create a neon lit Gotham City and a return to the 60’s campy portrayal. This film introduced us once again to The Riddler (Jim Carrey), Two Face (Tommy Lee Jones) and unfortunately brought Robin (Chris O’Donnell) back into the picture. Not as bad as the followup Batman & Robin but still an embarrassing portrayal of the Caped Crusader. Val Kilmer would only portray Batman in this one film and was mediocre at best.

#2 Batman (1989) Michael Keaton

This is by all account the film that introduced the dark Batman to a whole new generation of fans in the late 80’s. Although Michael Keaton was terribly miscast as Batman and Tim Burton clearly had never read any Batman comics but Jack Nicholson gave a great performance as the Joker. Even for all of its shortcomings the Monkey still has a soft spot for this film since it was the first big screen version of Batman to hit the screen during my younger years. The 1992 darker version Batman Returns followed with a sexy Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and a deranged Danny Devito playing The Penguin. Tim Burton would direct these two films before Joel Schumacher took over and destroyed the franchise.


#1 Batman Begins (2005) Christian Bale

The film that made Batman a dark, bad ass vigilante again. After the shameful Batman & Robin, director Christopher Nolan decided that Batman had to once again return to his roots as a dark and menacing vigilante. Christian Bale surely did not disappoint and portrayed the best Batman to date also starring in the even more successful sequel The Dark Knight and will finish the trilogy with 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises.

Exclusive New Teaser Trailer for The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) New Trailer

07/22/2011 Leave a comment

The Dark Knight Rises (July 2012) Christopher Nolan

Ok I have to admit, I was utterly dismayed at the untimely death of the great Heath Ledger. His portrayal of the Joker in 2008’s The Dark Knight is one of the greatest performances ever captured on film. I was hoping, as I am sure most of you were that they were going to include unused footage from that film and bring him back to life at least for a few scenes for this film. Well no such luck. Regardless I am still looking forward to the conclusion to the trilogy The Dark Knight Rises (July 2012) and the return of the amazing characters you and I both love.

Christian Bale is of course returning as Bruce Wayne/Batman. (Who else could play Batman now?) Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman are all set to return as allies of Bruce Wayne.

The casting of Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman strikes me as a bit odd but I remember thinking the same thing back in 2007 when I heard Heath Ledger was signed to play the Joker. Well we all know how that performance turned out so you can never be quite sure anymore. She may do an amazing job as the Catwoman far surpassing the great Michelle Pfeiffer from 1992’s Batman Returns and she will definitely do better than Halle Berry in that horrendous 2004 Catwoman movie. I have 100% faith in Christopher Nolan that he knows what he is doing when he casts a specific actor for a role. This may very well turn out to be even bigger than the previous installment.

Or you never know it could go the Spider-Man 3 route and completely ruin the Batman legacy. Highly unlikely but still a possibility.

Watch the trailer below and leave comments with your thoughts.