Conan the Barbarian 3D * 300 on stupid pills
Conan the Barbarian 3D *
Conan the Barbarian is surely destined to win the 2012 Razzie award for Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of 3D along with a slew of other “awards”. This has to be the dumbest excuse for an 80’s action remake I have yet to see. Now don’t assume that I am a purist and think the 1982 version with Arnold was anything to scream about. That film was mediocre at best but still became a hit due to Schwarzenegger’s charisma. The 2011 remake with TV “star” Jason Momoa lacks any charisma, excitement or thrills. This film was basically made for the nostalgia factor of brand recognition and to further exploit the marketing ploy of charging extra for misuse of 3D.
I know you are probably already aware that this ruse to reintroduce 3D back into the movies is simply just a studio tactic to thwart illegal piracy. The studio went truly over board with this remake. The film is to dark, to moody and just plain soulless. Momoa grunts and moans his way through idiotic dialogue and an incoherent plot. This guy is better suited to be fighting in a cage somewhere than starring in movies and boring us to death. Speaking of cage fighting, MMA journeyman Bob Sapp plays the villainous role of Ukafa, the jealous leader of the Kushites. This should speak volumes to the poor quality of this film.
Rose McGowan looks absolutely hideous in the movie as her character Marique the Witch and would look right at home at a concert of former boyfriend Marilyn Manson. The one positive thing about this film is Rachel Nichols character Tamara looks rather sexy as the required love interest to Conan. Her character exists simply because if she were not present this would just be one long, nearly two-hour homoerotic bloodbath. This film is basically a remake of 300 choreographed by mental patients.
Avoid this dreck at all costs and save your money and go see Griff the Invisible instead which is far superior.
Conan the Barbarian (2011) *
Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Directed by Marcus Nispel
Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, Rachel Nichols, Bob Sapp