Home > Movie News, Upcoming Films > A third Bridget Jones movie given the green light for 2012 and the Top 3 Reasons why Renee Zellwegger sucks.

A third Bridget Jones movie given the green light for 2012 and the Top 3 Reasons why Renee Zellwegger sucks.

The Movie Monkey has recently discovered some grim news that Renée Zellweger will once again be gracing the silver screen as the lovelorn frumpy oaf that made her a star. Bridget Jones Diary will finally become a trilogy in 2012 and make every middle-aged spinsters wet dream come true.
With the announcement of this cinematic travesty, the Movie Monkey has compiled a short list of the top 3 reasons why Renée Zellweger sucks and should never be allowed to bore us into oblivion with her charming so-called “acting”.

#3 The Botoxed Anteater look died out in the 90’s.

Back in 1996 when Renée completed Jerry Maguire’s heart in his endless pursuit of an office fling, having a face as tight as a Conga drum and lips like an anteater was considered somewhat charming. Unfortunately now for Renée it’s 2011 and when your face is stretched out beyond its limit with endless series of Botox injections, your only salvation is appearing on an episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey instead of torturing her 6 fans with mindless drama on the big screen.

#2 She sent Tom Cruise on his perpetual sprint from his gayness.

Before Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise was considered a legitimate Action hero, he made one fatal flaw. He decided to star in a romantic love triangle with Renée and Cuba and permanently removed all hope of his heterosexuality. After Jerry Maguire it all went downhill for Tom and he finally discovered who he really was and decided to sprint furiously in all of his later movies to try to expel those impure thoughts from his mind. If it wasn’t for Jerry Maguire reluctantly falling for the dykey Dorothy Boyd while getting charmed by Cuba Gooding Jr, we might still have a bad ass Movie Star on the big screen. Damn you Zellweger and your masculine charm.

#1 She agreed to star in this monstrosity. No further explanation necessary.

And Introducing the New candy from Renée Zellweger now available at your local 7-Eleven.

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