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Top 10 Most Incredibly Failed Movie Careers

Sometimes there are certain actors or directors who begin their career with outstanding movies than over the years degenerate to bottom of the barrel straight to DVD garbage. Then there are those “special” actors who have NEVER had an outstanding movie and by some incredible force of nature continue to get work so we can forever see their face in the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.

Here is a list of the top 10 Most Incredibly Failed Movie Careers.

#10 Larry the Cable Guy

The Daniel Day-Lewis for rednecks. This classically trained blue collar actor completely immerses himself in each role he plays. From outstanding films such as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour to Delta Farce, Cars and finally Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector, there is not a role that this talented thespian cannot perform. Check out the trailer to his critically acclaimed movie Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Now the question that I am sure you must be asking yourself, is he a Cable guy or a Health Inspector? You’ll just have to watch and find out.

This was such an outstanding movie that his costar is none other than Kid Rock. Enough said.

#9 M. Night Shyamalan

Shyamalan is the Orson Welles of the 2000’s. He started off his career with a big bang with 1999’s critically acclaimed blockbuster The Sixth Sense than his career fell apart faster than a Harley Davidson motorcycle. This director is the king of self-indulgent nonsense. In 2006 he created the phantasmagorical disaster Lady in the Water and arrogantly cast himself in the role as a visionary author whose writing is so profound that it will simply change the world. In the process winning himself both a Worst Supporting Actor and Worst Director award at the Golden Raspberry awards (Razzies). In 2010 he finally won the top three coveted awards at the 31st Razzie awards for his latest gem The Last Airbender. Worst Picture, Worst Director & Worst Screenplay.

Watch the trailer and see for yourself.

#8 Uwe Boll

If Shyamalan is the Orson Welles of the 2000’s, than Uwe Boll is without doubt the Ed Wood. Here is a director who is so inept that he can not even set foot onto a Hollywood movie studio without getting himself arrested. Therefore to continue his dreams of being a filmmaker, he has to trick the German government into providing his funding for his video game adaptations using a tax loophole under the guise that he will release them to critical and commercial acclaim in the USA and make a multimillion dollar return on investment. Keep dreaming Boll.

Watch the trailer to his latest here.

#7 Paul Reubens

Paul “Pee-Wee Herman” Reubens had a very bright future in 1985. He was the star of his own big budget movie directed by a then unknown Tim Burton. He was the star of the hottest children’s program on TV and he was at the peak of his stand up comedy career. All of that came crashing down in 1991 when Pee-Wee Herman decided to choke his chicken in a Florida adult movie theater and tried to bribe the arresting officers. Unfortunately for Reubens, the story was too juicy to cover up and suddenly the entire world became fully aware that the innocent Pee-Wee Herman was nothing more than a common pervert. What a sad state of affairs. He attempted a comeback in the outstanding 2001 Blow with Johnny Depp but was quickly forgotten. Rest assured the world hasn’t seen the last of Pee-Wee Herman. He has a new movie coming out later this year playing his iconic character in a reboot of the Pee-Wee Herman saga.

#6 Tara Reid

Tara Reid was the hottest thing in Hollywood back in 1999 after releasing the widely popular films American Pie and The Big Lebowski. Her popularity reached its peak for about a whole 3 weeks. Then her fans finally woke up and figured out that this young little tart couldn’t act to save her life and suddenly Tara began a downward spiral of terrible movies and failed publicity stunts. Her career reached its lowest point when she starred in the abysmal Alone in the Dark directed by none other than #8 on this list, the great Uwe Boll. After catching the Boll virus, Tara Reid began her descent into the world of straight to DVD nonsense until 2012 when she will make her long-awaited big screen comeback in the American Pie Reunion film as the virginal Vicky.

#5 Martin Brest

Poor Martin Brest is the only person on this list that actually had talent but whose career was ruined by an incompetent Hollywood studio. If the name doesn’t ring a bell do not be alarmed. Brest has been living under a rock since the release of the 2003 travesty Gigli which he both wrote and directed. With this film, he was forced by the studio to shoot a movie with then couple Ben Affleck and J-Lo about a moronic gangster (Affleck) kidnapping a mentally challenged teenager while being watched over by J-Lo pretending to be a smooth talking lesbian gangster. Now I refuse to accept that the director who created such cinematic gems as Beverly Hills Cop, Midnight Run and also directed Al Pacino in his award-winning performance in Scent of a Woman, was responsible for this cinematic disaster. Gigli has the dirty fingerprints of an incompetent studio executive posing as an editor all over it. Unfortunately for Brest his career will never again be revived after the curse of Bennifer.

1984 Comedy classic Beverly Hills Cop

2003 Career killing disaster Gigli

#4 Paris Hilton

Now I am actually very sympathetic to Paris Hilton and sadly, feel extremely bad for her sharp career decline. After her career making performance in the critically acclaimed 2004 masterpiece 1 Night in Paris, the billionaire party girl and Hotel heiress decided to ruin her legacy by starring in such utter garbage as 2005’s House of Wax, 2008’s The Hottie and the Nottie not to mention “starring” in the brain-dead cancelled reality show The Simple Life. This poor girl just can’t catch a break. Sadly we can’t show her 2004 masterpiece but rest assured, it was outstanding.

Watch the trailer to her latest disaster. Sadly she didn’t win an Oscar for this.

#3 Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal is the Laurence Olivier of bad acting. After starting his career strong in a few above average martial arts films, Seagal became deluded with the idea that he was actually a real actor/director and gave his absolute worst performance to date in the 1994 environmental train wreck On Deadly Ground followed by Under Seige 2. These two films almost certainly guaranteed he would never again star in a theatrical film until 2010 when Robert Rodriguez decided to rescue him from reality TV hell and cast him as the unmerciful villain in the mediocre action film Machete. Unfortunately this film did not revive his career as hoped and he is now once again in the straight to DVD market. Fortunately for Seagal he has found a whole new outlet as one of UFC Champion Anderson “The Spider” Silva’s fight coaches. Good for you Seagal! Stick to UFC and stay away from movies.

#2 David Spade

Chris Farley, David Spade

After the release of Tommy Boy back in 1995, David Spade was at an LA party and one of the drunk party guests (mistaking him for his co-star Chris Farley) accidentally told Spade that he was absolutely hilarious in Tommy Boy and should keep making more movies like that. Then the drunk guest stumbled away not knowing the ghastly mistake he had just made. Unfortunately for Spade, he took the comment to heart and embarked on a career of ridiculous comedy films always remembering what that drunken party guest had told him to keep his motivation strong. Unfortunately for us, the true comedy genius died two years later leaving Spade with the burning desire to avenge his best friend and make a plethora of substandard comedy films such as Dickie Roberts, Joe Dirt, The Bench Warmers and finally last years embarrassing The Grown Ups. Hopefully by now he has forgotten that comment from the party guest and is now hiding in his cold, dark mansion burning the unsold copies of his biography.

The #1 Most Incredibly Failed Movie Career

#1 Corey Feldman

Jamison Newlander, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman

Lost Boys 3: The Thirst

The 1980’s was a very dark and turbulent time to be alive. Crack cocaine was rampant, neon colors were the clothing style of choice, Ronald Reagan was President, Madonna was the biggest rock star alive and two kids named Corey were the best thing to happen to movies since the invention of sound. Luckily for the Movie Monkey I was just a child and barely remember the dark ages.

Corey Feldman was the star of a such screen classics as The Lost Boys, License to Drive, The Goonies, Stand by Me, Gremlins and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Corey Feldman had the world in the palm of his hand. Then the 1990’s began and his career faded faster than it started and he was forced to hide out in Corey Haim’s attic eating fish heads for the next 20 years. That is until some marketing whiz at the studio decided to resurrect The Lost Boys legacy and called Corey Feldman up and offered him the chance to star in the straight to DVD double sequels to the 1987 vampire cult classic giving him some sort of hope that it would restart his career. Unfortunately for Corey he wasn’t aware that nobody watches straight to DVD movies and he was forced to hide out in the attic once again. Watch his pitiful decline below.

The Goonies (1985) trailer

Stand By Me (1986) trailer

The Lost Boys (1987) trailer

License to Drive (1988) trailer

South Beach Academy (1996) trailer

Lost Boys 2:The Tribe trailer

Lost Boys 3: The Thirst (2010) Trailer

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